Over the time I’ve spent away from this blog I’ve come to realize what an anxious person I was. Anxious all the time. Just thinking about the crowds at college would put a pit of butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.
The biggest lesson I learnt from my days at college was that no one cares. That for me was the release lever for my impalpable social anxiety and I used it to tell myself that ‘it was ok’ again and again when I felt any emotional turmoil. Over the last year I’ve learnt other lessons and taken inspiration from other things-one of these being anime, namely One Piece’s Monkey D. Luffy who was always unconcerned about anything and everything unless it came to his dream of being the ‘pirate king’. I would call it selective attention.
My experience at university is also full of turmoil, especially considering the numbers of people who I don’t know.
But I know now that I was meant to be a calm person. Calm and serene, keeping a cool head despite what may happen. These harsh experiences are shaping me into a laid-back character who doesn’t really care about much and leaves my own destiny to God. I already know that if He doesn’t want something for me I’ll never get it, despite however much I want it so now I’ll just relax and let Him take control. The stage is His and I am an actor, a puppet, over whom He can master over.
Putting all of my trust in Him and letting Him take control because fighting, I’ve found, is useless.
Life is way less stressful this way.